What a useful article. This is exactly why you're an incredible book coach, the fact that your mind can both think like this and in a literary way—amazing!
Yes, there are many errors/flaws and mistakes in the answers from ChatGPT, so cross checking is a part of the game. I have had many polite 'discussions' with the botchat, when I have corrected the answers. But still. It makes a lot of sense to me to use it. Best regards non-AI Lidija :)
Great article, Lidija! I also liked that people shared their openings and some were in third person rather than first. I thought your comments were spot on.
Haha, nobody expected that you did that. I read this morning about 'The Tokyo Tower of Sympathy' which gave the Akutagawa-award to the writer Rie Kudan, but she claimed that it was written exclusively with AI. Anyway, I use AI every day for research and information purposes, and it works well. Writing something? Never. I look forward reading your next article :)
I heard about that! It's very controversial that she got the award!
What I also noticed about ChatGPT is that it often 'lies' and makes stuff up. One of my acquaintances from WFWA asked ChatGPT for comps for her novel about infertility. And the darn thing invented a book titled 'The Semen Donor's Wife' (which, in retrospect, should have tipped my acquaintance off rightaway, because who would ever title a book like that?). But to maintain the lie, ChatGPT invented even ISBN and other book details. Scary stuff. So double check any research you do with it.
Could she keep on talking if I clamped her tongue with alligator forceps?
This boxy conference room is divorce déjà vu. Less glass, more people, same BS. I should be in clinic, not sitting with HR and lawyers, again.
“Doctor Miller. Did you understand my question?” I scan the wall of books behind her, avoiding direct eye contact. I wonder if one of Janet’s calming Buddhist phrases would slow down this newly retained NYU-Yale wunderkind.
You didn't use quotation marks, so I'm not sure if "Here goes nothing," was a part of the excerpt or your comment on sharing your excerpt. For what it's worth, I like it as an opening of this excerpt.
I would define who 'she' is in the second sentence. Also, because 'she' is mentioned before the protagonist, there was the briefest moment when I thought 'she' was the protagonist. You could eliminate that confusion by reframing this sentence to: 'If I clamped her (insert whose: the lawyer's?) tongue with alligator forceps, could she still talk?”
I would also eliminate either BS or HR (and you also have NYU later on)--you don't want to have too many abbreviations in the opening paragraph.
Other than that, info is clear (this doctor is in a conference room for what we can assume is not a pleasant reason), emotion is clear (she is annoyed, a little angry, but also her disposition shows--she is someone with an attitude and this will be obvious even in the scenes in this novel when this character is the meekest. And there is definitely sass to her voice. She is not saying she wishes 'she' would shut up--she is wondering if 'she' could keep talking if the protagonist clamped her tongue with alligator forceps. Ergo-voice :)
Thank you for the fine article, Lidija. I liked it. I also took the liberty to check with my friend ChatGPT4 about what 'the voice' in a novel is about. Here is hers/his answer:
"The voice" of a novel refers to the distinctive style or tone that is evident in the writing. This can include:
Narrative Style: How the story is told. It might be descriptive, straightforward, ornate, or terse.
Perspective: Whether the story is told in the first person, third person, or even second person, and whether it's from a single viewpoint or multiple viewpoints.
Tone: The emotional quality or mood of the writing, which can be humorous, serious, ironic, solemn, etc.
Diction: The choice of words and their level of formality or informality.
Rhythm and Pace: How the writing flows, which can affect the reader's perception of the action or emotion in the story.
The voice of a novel is central to its character and can significantly influence how readers engage with the story and characters.
Excellent, excellent article, Lidija! Here are my first few lines, at least as they now stand. :-)
A cup of instant coffee in her favorite oversized mug, a frozen bagel in the toaster, and her laptop booting up on the table—her Saturday morning ritual.
The computer screen brightens in her peripheral vision, and she leans over to skim the headlines—protests in Paris, a bomb in a market in Iraq, the deficit at a record $2 trillion with no end in sight.
The usual global horrors.
But then tucked in between world events is a cold, wet slap of the words that will recast her past and reshape her future: Cillian Byrne, 43- year-old lead singer of the Irish rock group, The Swifters, found dead …
Obviously, the scene turns when your protagonist reads the news about Cillian Byrne's death, and there is an innate emotionality to that, because the reader infers meaning--Cillian is obviously, in some shape or form, important to the protagonist, and we can imagine how reading about someone important to her dying must feel.
So I'll address the first two lines as these are the ones that show us the usual emotional disposition of the character. The information you offer: the protagonist is going through the morning rituals, booting up her computer, and skimming the headlines. The underlying emotion: disinterest ("leans over to SKIM the headlines, “the deficit...with no end in sight”; “the usual global horrors” all indicate that she is not really invested or moved by what she sees--until she reads about Cillian). Third ingredient (specific way of speaking) is shown in that last sentence, ”the usual global horrors.” This is where her personality shows, as well as the subsequent words "wet slap of the words.”
I'd say, even though you open with a very usual morning ritual, this opening does its job.
Thanks, Lidija! Sounds like maybe I need to work on it some more. I've thought about starting with the second sentence, but was trying to convey that her life is mundane before things are shaken up. Your comments are making me rethink!
It doesn't take you long to get to the inciting incident. Readers will bear with you for a couple of paragraphs.
But I would play with the idea of starting somewhere around the second paragraph.
e.g.
”Cillian Byrne, 43- year-old lead singer of the Irish rock group, The Swifters, found dead.” The words, written in bold black font, land like a wet, cold slap across my face.
They're tucked, haphazardly, between the usual global horrors; protests in Paris, a bomb in a market in Iraq, the deficit at a record $2 trillion with no end in sight. And an announcement of the death of a frontman of a band that's been long past its prime.
Cillian.
You could play with it and see where it takes you. But even if you keep it as-is, you really get to the meaty stuff fast, so I wouldn't be concerned.
Terrific article.
Thank you, Lita!
Thank you again Lidija! I'll work on it. A writer's work is never done. :-)
What a useful article. This is exactly why you're an incredible book coach, the fact that your mind can both think like this and in a literary way—amazing!
Yes, there are many errors/flaws and mistakes in the answers from ChatGPT, so cross checking is a part of the game. I have had many polite 'discussions' with the botchat, when I have corrected the answers. But still. It makes a lot of sense to me to use it. Best regards non-AI Lidija :)
Great article, Lidija! I also liked that people shared their openings and some were in third person rather than first. I thought your comments were spot on.
Haha, nobody expected that you did that. I read this morning about 'The Tokyo Tower of Sympathy' which gave the Akutagawa-award to the writer Rie Kudan, but she claimed that it was written exclusively with AI. Anyway, I use AI every day for research and information purposes, and it works well. Writing something? Never. I look forward reading your next article :)
I heard about that! It's very controversial that she got the award!
What I also noticed about ChatGPT is that it often 'lies' and makes stuff up. One of my acquaintances from WFWA asked ChatGPT for comps for her novel about infertility. And the darn thing invented a book titled 'The Semen Donor's Wife' (which, in retrospect, should have tipped my acquaintance off rightaway, because who would ever title a book like that?). But to maintain the lie, ChatGPT invented even ISBN and other book details. Scary stuff. So double check any research you do with it.
Early days on this WIP.
Here goes nothing.
Could she keep on talking if I clamped her tongue with alligator forceps?
This boxy conference room is divorce déjà vu. Less glass, more people, same BS. I should be in clinic, not sitting with HR and lawyers, again.
“Doctor Miller. Did you understand my question?” I scan the wall of books behind her, avoiding direct eye contact. I wonder if one of Janet’s calming Buddhist phrases would slow down this newly retained NYU-Yale wunderkind.
Hi Sarah,
thanks for sharing your excerpt.
You didn't use quotation marks, so I'm not sure if "Here goes nothing," was a part of the excerpt or your comment on sharing your excerpt. For what it's worth, I like it as an opening of this excerpt.
I would define who 'she' is in the second sentence. Also, because 'she' is mentioned before the protagonist, there was the briefest moment when I thought 'she' was the protagonist. You could eliminate that confusion by reframing this sentence to: 'If I clamped her (insert whose: the lawyer's?) tongue with alligator forceps, could she still talk?”
I would also eliminate either BS or HR (and you also have NYU later on)--you don't want to have too many abbreviations in the opening paragraph.
Other than that, info is clear (this doctor is in a conference room for what we can assume is not a pleasant reason), emotion is clear (she is annoyed, a little angry, but also her disposition shows--she is someone with an attitude and this will be obvious even in the scenes in this novel when this character is the meekest. And there is definitely sass to her voice. She is not saying she wishes 'she' would shut up--she is wondering if 'she' could keep talking if the protagonist clamped her tongue with alligator forceps. Ergo-voice :)
Appreciate the feedback!
Adjusted and I did have a she problem:)
Thanks 🙏🏻 for your time.
Thank you for the fine article, Lidija. I liked it. I also took the liberty to check with my friend ChatGPT4 about what 'the voice' in a novel is about. Here is hers/his answer:
"The voice" of a novel refers to the distinctive style or tone that is evident in the writing. This can include:
Narrative Style: How the story is told. It might be descriptive, straightforward, ornate, or terse.
Perspective: Whether the story is told in the first person, third person, or even second person, and whether it's from a single viewpoint or multiple viewpoints.
Tone: The emotional quality or mood of the writing, which can be humorous, serious, ironic, solemn, etc.
Diction: The choice of words and their level of formality or informality.
Rhythm and Pace: How the writing flows, which can affect the reader's perception of the action or emotion in the story.
The voice of a novel is central to its character and can significantly influence how readers engage with the story and characters.
Thank you for sharing, Morten. All useful info!
And at least it's obvious I didn't use Chat GPT to write this article :)
Excellent, excellent article, Lidija! Here are my first few lines, at least as they now stand. :-)
A cup of instant coffee in her favorite oversized mug, a frozen bagel in the toaster, and her laptop booting up on the table—her Saturday morning ritual.
The computer screen brightens in her peripheral vision, and she leans over to skim the headlines—protests in Paris, a bomb in a market in Iraq, the deficit at a record $2 trillion with no end in sight.
The usual global horrors.
But then tucked in between world events is a cold, wet slap of the words that will recast her past and reshape her future: Cillian Byrne, 43- year-old lead singer of the Irish rock group, The Swifters, found dead …
Thank you, Densie!
And thank you for sharing your opening with us.
Obviously, the scene turns when your protagonist reads the news about Cillian Byrne's death, and there is an innate emotionality to that, because the reader infers meaning--Cillian is obviously, in some shape or form, important to the protagonist, and we can imagine how reading about someone important to her dying must feel.
So I'll address the first two lines as these are the ones that show us the usual emotional disposition of the character. The information you offer: the protagonist is going through the morning rituals, booting up her computer, and skimming the headlines. The underlying emotion: disinterest ("leans over to SKIM the headlines, “the deficit...with no end in sight”; “the usual global horrors” all indicate that she is not really invested or moved by what she sees--until she reads about Cillian). Third ingredient (specific way of speaking) is shown in that last sentence, ”the usual global horrors.” This is where her personality shows, as well as the subsequent words "wet slap of the words.”
I'd say, even though you open with a very usual morning ritual, this opening does its job.
Thanks for sharing.
Thanks, Lidija! Sounds like maybe I need to work on it some more. I've thought about starting with the second sentence, but was trying to convey that her life is mundane before things are shaken up. Your comments are making me rethink!
It doesn't take you long to get to the inciting incident. Readers will bear with you for a couple of paragraphs.
But I would play with the idea of starting somewhere around the second paragraph.
e.g.
”Cillian Byrne, 43- year-old lead singer of the Irish rock group, The Swifters, found dead.” The words, written in bold black font, land like a wet, cold slap across my face.
They're tucked, haphazardly, between the usual global horrors; protests in Paris, a bomb in a market in Iraq, the deficit at a record $2 trillion with no end in sight. And an announcement of the death of a frontman of a band that's been long past its prime.
Cillian.
You could play with it and see where it takes you. But even if you keep it as-is, you really get to the meaty stuff fast, so I wouldn't be concerned.